Me, If I Were Radiohead's "The Bends"

Radiohead is, like, the greatest band ever. Except maybe the Beatles. I vacillate. At the very least, Radiohead took up the Beatles' banner, continuing in their spirit of musical experimentation and fearless innovation. But in lyrical content, I have to give the edge to Thom Yorke. Radiohead isn't saddled with the psuedo-stories of a Paul McCartney, and who doesn't enjoy an awesome song about alienation, isolation, techno-shock or rabbit diseases?

One of my favorite things about Radiohead is the way they marry graphic arts with their music. Stanley Donwood, Radiohead's artist friend, has created some incredible images... from the dreary collages of "Ok Computer" to the icy compu-landscapes of "Kid A" to the battered library books of "Amnesiac" to the info-overload street maps of "Hail To The Thief." Stan Donwood also worked with Yorke on the cover of "The Bends," Radiohead's second album. It was made, apparently, by morphing Thom Yorke's face onto a photograph of a medical dummy. It's not my favorite of Radiohead's album covers, but it was the easiest to make look like me.

So, what the heck is Grimace, anyways? He's the mentally challenged friend of Ronald McDonald and Birdie The Early Bird, certainly, but exactly what Grimace is supposed to be seems to be a mystery.

He began as a villain in McDonaldland. He went by the name of "E. Grimace" (the "E." stood for "evil") and he had, for some reason, six arms. He debuted in an H.R. Puff-N-Stuff inspired ad in which he stole all the cups in McDonaldland to prevent anyone from enjoying frosty milkshakes or ice cold Coca-Cola. He was, of course, thwarted by Ronald (in the guise of a mailman). Somewhere along the way, he lost four of those arms and converted to the side of goodness and right.



Or, perhaps, E. Grimace is separate from the good Grimace we know and love?

I don't know if there's an official McDonaldland canon or not...

Me, If I Were The Giant From "Twin Peaks"

Remember "Twin Peaks"? If you're a lot younger than me, probably not... because I barely remember it. But I DO remember renting the first seven episodes with my ex-girlfriend, like, ten years ago. The mix of soap opera and surrealism really appealed to me... how many prime time dramas have backwards dancing cosmic dwarfs and girl-hunting demons named "Bob"? Not enough, I tell you what.

When Bob, the demon who (spoiler alert!) killed Laura Palmer strikes a second time in the town of Twin Peaks, Special Agent Dale Cooper sees this crazy big blue-white giant (in a red bow tie) telling him that it's happening again. It's one of my favorite scenes in a series absolutely cram packed with awesomeness.



So here's me as the giant... I was tempted to draw myself as the backwards dancing cosmic space dwarf, but, as the dwarf explains, they're both the same guy anyways.

Me, If I Were Heath Ledger's Version of The Joker From "The Dark Knight"

I absolutely LOVED Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight." Aside from Christian Bale's ridiculously annoying Batman voice, it was a pretty great film. The best part, of course, was the creepshow performance of Heath Ledger as The Joker. Now, I'm not even a huge Batman fan... I'm a Marvel Comics sort of kid. But The Joker is awesome. He's all crazy and green haired and giggly... Plus, y'know, he's got the creepy make-up. (Or not make-up? I've seen it both ways... like sometimes the Joker's face was dyed white by, like falling in a playing card factory acid vat or something. But in the movie, he's this sort of scarred up freakwad who applies facepaint quite haphazardly.) And he's loony. And sinister. And murderous. He's really quite dark for someone with the word "joke" right in his name.

Anyways, he looks way cool, and I got to thinkin', "Hey! I wouldn't mind lookin' as way cool as Heath Ledger's version of The Joker from "The Dark Knight." So I drew this. Just a little bit ago.

I struggled with the goatee.

Me, If I Were Gumby

From what I've heard, Gumby is here and he will be sure to stay... so, hey, why don't we all see what magical games he can play? Who doesn't love Gumby (besides Nazis and serial killers)? NOBODY. Everybody thinks this green guy is loads of fun... he can, of course, change into anything. He's got a horse. A flying seal friend who spits blue balls of clay at his enemies. He has a big ol' pet wooly mammoth. A fire-breathing dinosaur friend. Dude can enter the magical world of books that are just laying around. He drives a jeep. He fought moon people on the moon! He's a jack-of-all-trades, a lover, a fighter, big brother to Minga and a loving son who's not afraid to show villainous Blockheads who's boss. And he's got a moralistic streak a mile wide.

Art and Ruth Clokey's weird little green guy has been around since 1956 when he debuted on the unintentionally terrifying "Howdy Doody Show." Later, he got his own series of weird cartoons. As a kid, I would watch them at five in the morning, eating Cheerios in a dark living room after my dad had gone to work and before anybody else in the house woke up. I always liked the really old shorts the best, because they were a little more eerie and incomprehensible. Plus, a lot of them revolved around Gumby being on the moon. I thought Gumby was at his best on the moon.



Drawing me as Gumby was tough... I wanted it to look like a photograph, so I found a well lit shot of Gumby for reference. As an added bonus, Gumby was standing in front of awesome wallpaper, and I tried to mimic that as best as I could. I also took care to try to make the glasses and goatee look made of clay as well. It turned out pretty nicely, I think... when the picture is shrunk down to a small enough size, it does, in fact, look like a photo. When it was completed, I was a little disappointed that the most realistic thing I've ever drawn was Gumby with facial hair... but, hey, you take your little victories where you can.



One last point about Gumby: He WILL walk through a wall if you want him to.

Me, If I Were A Grainy, Faked Black And White Photo Of An Alien From Area 51

There's a relatively famous (famous enough that it comes up several times in a Google image search) "photograph" of a grey alien from New Mexico's Area 51. The photograph, even setting aside its improbable subject matter, is an obvious fake... but there's doubtlessly a smattering of folks who believe that it's proof positive of life on other planets.

So, here's me if I were a grainy, faked black and white picture of an Area 51 alien. Sinister, yes, but with a faux-hipster cred that can't be denied anywhere in the universe!